Can I see your license please?

I feel I am a patient person. I don't mind waiting on children, pregnant women, people with strollers, older (older than me) people, actually, just about anyone. I will let them take their time walking in front of me. They can take their time shopping, purchasing, writing out a check, ordering in line in front of me, even backing out of a parking space that I'm waiting for. All of these situations are designed to move at a speed you are comfortable with. BUT, get behind a wheel of a vehicle, get on the highway, and these rules no longer apply.
I know that many of us don't notice them, it seems some people don't know they even exist, and then there is the group of people that I swear to God wake up in the morning and purposefully decide to ignore them. What is "them", do you ask?? The white and black signs on the side of the road that say SPEED LIMIT and are followed by a number. For those who are not aware, on the freeways of Salt Lake Valley, that number is 65/75.
Now we all see those people who drive like they are on the European Autoban and the speed limit is pretty much unlimited, those people simply irritate me because they are usually dangerous and can there really be someplace that important to get to? But that's not the people I'm talking about here...no, I am talking about the people who can't seem to make contact between their right foot and the little pedal on the floor. the ones who are oblivious to the traffic zooming by, the cars moving out from behind and then back in front of them. The ones who, in my opinion, are a bigger hazard on the highway than the idiot going 100 mph.
In all fairness, I realize there is the right hand lane for people going slower than the rest of the traffic, but have you ever noticed that the people who drive like they are on their own planet are always in the inside two lanes? There are the sweet little old people, like the little grandma that can barely see above the dashboard, I'm partial to this one, because I have one. Then there are the people from other countries that hang on to the steering wheel like it has a life of it's own and sit straight up in the seat, god forbid they are ever in a wreck because that steering wheel will become a permanent part of their chest. And then there are the ones that look perfectly capable of holding their own, but aren't. They're busy talking to someone in the car, or on the phone, or maybe just to themselves. Hey! If you can't multitask-pull over! And last, but not least, are the ones I always get behind. The ones that, I'm here to say, do it just to piss me off. Guess what? IT WORKS!! They change lanes right in front of me as we are going into a curved off ramp, like the one coming off I-15 onto 215, and then they crawl around the curve. OMG, if you are that afraid to drive, get out and walk! They are the ones who make sure they pace themselves right next to another car so that there is no way around them, and then they just drive like they have eternity. They're looking in their rear view mirror every so often, so I know they know I'm there...and then I see it. That small smile, that smart ass smirk that tells me they are enjoying this moment.
Those are the moments I ask myself, is my insurance paid up? What is my deductible again? Where is a paper I can write this assholes license plate number down so I can stalk him later, perhaps egg his house, cause you know, you can find anyone on the internet. But at the same time, I'm back there playing it cool. I'm not letting let him see he's getting to me. But I am watching for that break between cars and then I am out and around him. Now I'm not inmature enough to flip him off or any other hand gesture to display my aggravation. I'm going to get even by ignoring him as I pass him. Won't even look at him to give him the satisfaction. Like he gives a shit!
So, what I know about the universe, is that there is lesson for me to learn here. Perhaps it's patience, or acceptance, or just to drive slower. Whatever it is, I must deserve some work, because the jerks just keep lining up in front of me. So, until the day that the road stands open in front of me, I'll keep gritting my teeth and bearing it. Or maybe I should become a cop and just pull their asses over.

Going gray gracefully

I am just weeks away from my 46th birthday, I await it with great anticipation. Not because of the age, but because I have always looked forward to birthdays and what the day may hold. Being 46 is just a number, my age has never been anything I really think about. I believe you are as old as you choose to feel and I choose to feel ageless, at least most days. But, along with getting older comes the inevitable things we can't control. Wrinkles, bladder control, memory loss, gray hair, etc. I personally only suffer from all these things. Just kidding, really all I have so far is the gray hair, oh, and my eyesight is getting worse, but that's about it.
So I have colored my hair for years, first to cover a little gray and then still, to cover the increasing gray. It was with a small amount of surprise that I realized a few months ago that under all this color, I am actually completely gray. Now I have been quite lucky in the hair department. My hair is thick, shiny, easy to care for, and always one of my best features, but my once black hair began to fade to dark brown, then lighter brown, and then gray. it's not even actually gray, it's more silver. So, a couple of months ago I decided to just let it go. Fortunately for me, I have short hair so as the color has grown out, I only have a couple inches of color in contrast to my gray. But as I look at my hair today, the gray part is now almost as long as the colored. A couple more haircuts, and I will be solid silver.
Other than the daily reminder that I am not as young as I used to be, there are other things that have shifted as my hair color has changed. Where once people looked me in the eye, or the chest, depending on the different people I was speaking to, people now look at my hair. It is usually just a quick, occasional glance, but I see it. The women that do it have three basic reactions. the first is to glance quickly and then back to my face, hoping that I didn't notice. the second is people who, upon noticing, offer me the name or number of their hairstylist, as if they seem to think that my lack of coloring is somehow associated with my lack of a hairdresser. And the third are the people who notice and say, "wow, you're really gray", as if I wasn't aware of it in some way. Thanks for the news flash folks! The other differences are that at my work, the young girls that work for me have began to treat me more motherly, meaning that they suddenly seem to think I am wiser than I was 6 months ago. But my personal favorite is when customers are describing me to other managers or associates. The description that used to be given for me was usually "the woman with the short, dark hair", whereas now, I have become "the older woman". Granted, I am the oldest in the store, but not by much. And people rarely mistake me for Noah's mom anymore, they all seem to magically know, I am grandma. That's new the last couple of months also.
I have never been one of those women who wants to run away from who I am, or what I am. Give me the wrinkles, give me the gray hair, and all the other things that come with age. You will never see me having plastic surgery, botox, or any other type of procedure to hang on to my youth. I have had quite a journey to this point in my life, learned many things. And one of the things I've learned is I don't want to do my youth over again. Not even my 20's or my 30's. I feel blessed to be where I am in my life, right now, in this moment. Except for one thing-what the hell is with the gray eyebrow hairs?!?!? Those I go a little crazy over!
I am secretly looking forward to turning 50. Not because I will have made it a half century or because it is a landmark birthday or any of those reasons. No, I'm anticipating it for one thing and one thing only-somebody, somewhere, better throw me one helluva surprise party! You only turn 50 once.

Life as I now know it

Wow! So it has been 6 years since I posted a blog. The girls at my work have been talking about their blogs and I suddenly remembered that at one point, I had had one. Who would have ever thought after all this time it would still be here? I guess it is true when they say that nothing truly disappears from the internet. Anyway, I read through the blogs I had posted and have to be honest and say, I deleted most of them. Not that they weren't good, or funny, because let's face it, I'm pretty damn funny, but because they talked about my life as it used to be. In other words, they were full of information that I don't necessarily want the people in my life now to know about me.
Alot has changed in six years. My four children have all grown up, or at least their bodies have. I have two grandsons and a granddaughter on the way. I am on my third marriage, somehow I don't seem to be able to make it past ten years with the same hubby. The person I am now is so different than the person I was then. Neither better or worse, just different. I am older most definately, calmer, more patient, but still always looking for an opportunity to say something witty, funny, or sarcastic. So, I find myself here at 1 a.m., already thinking of the blogs I want to write, the stories I want to tell, the thoughts I want to share, after I've had some sleep. Come on back and see what there is to see, just keep in mind, you may learn far more about me than you ever want to! Consider yourself warned